it's such a perfect day

But I did watch the most recent episode [of “Girls”] that everyone is blogging and Tweeting and commenting and writing essays about. Sometimes, the internet is like the first amendment’s douchebag younger brother. The episode was about a two-day fling between Dunham’s character Hannah and an older man played by a dude who was in the movie “Watchmen” — a failed big-budget superhero movie about a subversive comic book that was actually a criticism of superheroes. I digress because I blog.

The controversy is simple, as are all things in our culture of “like” — could Hannah actually attract a hot older man like Nite Owl? The conversation (which is me being generous) divides itself the way a simple one cell organism divides itself, into two blobby camps. The first camp is the bros who confuse sexy with the commoditized lady body gruel they’ve been served for years. I was a flesh merchant at men’s magazines for years and I will tell you that we were always obsessed with the boners of our readers. Sexy is dancing naked in moonlight and giggling until you can’t breathe. Sexy is locking eyes and dirty telepathy. Anything else is an imagination failing and bored sexual scenarios dreamed up by hacks filling in the vacuum.

Would a “hot” man want to engage in sexual congress with a charismatic spazz like Lena Dunham’s character Hannah? First of all, I know more than one hot man out here in Los Angeles who would have sex with a Dyson vacuum cleaner, so long as it was an Emmy-winning Dyson vacuum cleaner. But the answer is yes — because the only man who wouldn’t respond positively to a woman risking a kiss is a man who will never have anything truly good or beautiful in his swinish little life. These men will be found dead in their man caves in 30 years.